We live in a time where everyone is texting, instant messaging and sending emails on a daily basis. However, when it comes to sending condolences for the loss of a loved one, sending a genuine handwritten note, card or letter is still the best way to send your sympathies according to the etiquette and bereavement experts.
Sending a condolence note, sympathy card or condolence letter is a demonstration of your support for the grieving person and/or family.
Sympathy Card, Condolence Note, Sympathy Letter – What Are the Differences?
The Sympathy Card or Condolence Card is the shortest way of sending condolences. The Sympathy Card is often one with a thoughtful, pre-written expression. The Condolence Card is generally send soon after hearing the news of a death or a loss.
The terms Condolence Notes or Sympathy Notes are slightly longer ways to express condolences or sympathies. Typically longer than the card and shorter than the letter. The Condolence Note is also sent out soon after hearing the bad news.
In contrast, the Condolence Letter or Sympathy letter is a longer, more formal expression of sympathy. The formal Condolence Letter should be sent within a few weeks of the loss or death as a follow up after the Condolence Note.
How to Write a Condolence CARD
Sending a condolence card may be a simple as buying a sympathy card, sharing a memory about the person who has died, signing your name and sending the card.
For those who want to do a bit more with the condolence card, Zunin and Zunin discovered four key elements that are included in most condolence notes, after reviewing thousands of condolence letters for their 1991 book, The Art of Condolence from HarperCollins Publishers.
The key elements are: 1.) Acknowledging the loss and the name of the deceased. 2.) Expressing your sympathy. 3.) Noting special qualities of the deceased and 4.) Ending the letter with a thoughtful word, a hope, a wish or expression of sympathy.
Writers who want to include these four elements when sending their condolence card can use the following memory aid:
- Convey compassion
- Acknowledge the death or loss
- Recollect a story
- Deliver a thoughtful ending message
Following the simple CARD mnemonic will help in remembering the four elements to include in a Condolence Card: Convey Compassion, Acknowledge the Loss, Recollect a Story and Deliver a thoughtful ending message.
Suggested Ways of Closing a Condolence Note
Finding the best way to end a Sympathy Card can be challenging. The typical endings "Sincerely," "Love," "Fondly," or "Warm Personal Regards" which end other correspondences are not the best closing phrases for sympathy notes or condolence letters.
When closing a sympathy card or condolence note use thoughtful words, a prayer or a simple expression of sympathy as suggested by Zunin and Zunin. Here are some suggestions for closures:
- You are in my thoughts
- Thinking of you
- You are in my thoughts and prayers
- I'm praying for you
- With Deepest Sympathy
- My Sincere Sympathy
- Sympathy from all of us
- With Heartfelt Condolences
Benefits of Sending Condolence Notes
One of the main reasons to send a Condolence Note is to help the survivors with their grieving and healing. A Condolence Card tells the survivors that you cared about the person and about them enough to take the time to send a card.
Following the death of a love one, family members want to know that they have the support of others in the community to make it through the difficult time. It is also important to know that their loved one was cared for by others. The Condolence note is a way of feeling the support of the community in the grieving process.
The bereaved person may find themselves re-reading condolence notes or cards as a physical reminder of the caring and support from friends and family. Condolence Notes and Sympathy Cards can even become treasured mementos and family heirlooms that are passed down in boxes from one generation to the next.
Personalizing the Condolence Card
Whether by making a special card, to selecting a special condolence card, be sure to pick a card that will convey your sympathy and compassion. Personalizing a condolence card can make it more special and more meaningful for the recipient.
The next time you hear of someone's death, take a couple of minutes to sit down, put a pen to paper and write out a Condolence Card or Sympathy Note. The benefits to the survivors may be beyond measure.
Kirsti A. Dyer - Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT is a respected physician, health educator, professor, author and lecturer.
